Hello everyone! Carmen Tillman here, your friendly, neighborhood licensed mental health counselor and co-owner of Rooted Insights. Today, I want to share some insights on something I find myself often repeating: "You are the expert on your own life, not me."

As therapists, our main role is to guide you, not dictate your life decisions. We're more like facilitators to your self-understanding, helping you reveal the strengths and abilities you already possess. Part of the journey in therapy (and indeed in life) is realizing that you already have many of the answers you're looking for, but you might just need help in uncovering them.

Here are a few techniques to help you become your own life expert:

1. Journaling

   This isn't your preteen "Dear Diary" scenario. I'm suggesting a bout of stream-of-consciousness writing. Set a timer for just five minutes each day, away from your bed, and let your thoughts pour onto the paper. It's a safe space for your emotions or thoughts to find a home. If you're stuck, simply start with your immediate thoughts, even if they're questioning the process. This isn’t an assignment or a task – its an outlet. It’s a safe space for any emotions or thoughts, however disjointed or surprising as they might be, to find a home. If you are stuck, simply write “I don’t know what to say,” or even “I think Carmen doesn't know what she's talking about." (I promise, I won't take it personally!) The goal is to let your mind flow freely, without judgement or restriction.

2. Self-questioning

   We often seek advice from others, even though deep down, we already have an inkling of what we need to do or what we want. And the truth is, when you ask others for advice, you're most likely seeking validation, not real answers. So, why not turn the tables and ask yourself the questions you usually ask others?

For instance, if you're pondering about life decisions or relationships, instead of asking others what you should do, try asking yourself. Identify what you don’t want about any given circumstance and then flip it. For example, if you don't want a partner who yells, that suggests you desire a partner who listens and responds with compassion and understanding.

3. Explore Your World

   Try out new activities and experiences that push you out of your comfort zone. Notice what excites you, what bores you, and what genuinely sparks joy. All these experiences add colors to the palette of your self-understanding. Even the experiences which might seem painful or unpleasant will be useful in providing information related to your personal preferences.

4. Meet New People

   Every person you meet is like a mirror that reflects a different part of you. Expand your social circle and create more opportunities to reveal different facets of your personality. As a side note, there is research out there to support that having a broad social network of people from different backgrounds even if it is just someone you meet randomly throughout your day can reduce symptoms of depression (bonus right!?). So, say hello and start up a conversation with your grocery clerk, that person you meet on your daily walk, who knows what connections you might make!

5. Go Back to the Basics



   When you feel stuck, take some time for a self-inventory. By identifying your values, goals, and challenges, you can better understand where you might be holding yourself back and what steps you can take to move forward. Perhaps journal (I know, its here again), on what needs to happen in order for you to be living your best life. Perhaps imagine a perfect day in your life, what are you doing? Who are you with? How do you feel? What needs to happen or change in your life to get you there?

In conclusion, self-discovery isn't about finding new elements of who you are, it involves uncovering those pieces that already exist and learning to trust them. The path to becoming an expert on your life is paved with introspection and honesty.

Remember, it's okay to seek assistance. Sometimes, having a counselor can help you navigate the labyrinth of self-reflection and personal growth. But also remember that, ultimately, you are the expert on your own life. Your thoughts, feelings, and experiences matter and can serve as your compass.

If you find yourself struggling with self-reflection or are seeking guidance through life's complex issues, feel free to reach out. At Rooted Insights, we’re here to provide that safe space and empathetic ear. Take the first step towards becoming your own life expert today.

Stay well and keep growing,

Carmen Tillman